


Speak Now

by NellyHarrison



Category: Girl Meets World
Genre: Angst, Drinking to Cope, F/M, slight depression
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-20
Updated: 2015-09-20
Packaged: 2018-04-22 13:47:34
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,647
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4837526
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NellyHarrison/pseuds/NellyHarrison
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Maya Hart has experienced heartbreak three times in her life, but this final time is the one that hits her hardest.  Josh Matthews is engaged to be married, and Maya must decide if it’s time to speak now or forever hold her peace.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Speak Now

**Author's Note:**

> So this story started out through roleplaying with my friend Carrie, and with her permission, I decided to write a fic based off of it. So Carrie, this is for you!

The first time Maya Hart experienced heartbreak was when she realized that her dad wasn’t coming back.  She’d seen him leave the apartment with his suitcases in hand, but it didn’t really register for her that he was gone until a few years later.  Granted, she had been young and naive, and it didn’t seem possible for a father to care so little about his daughter to leave forever.  The heartbreak had been long-lasting and over a decade later, she still felt the pain from his abandonment.  


The second time she experienced heartbreak was when her grandmother passed away.  Family had become increasingly important to her after her father left, especially since the only blood family she had left were her mother and her grandmother.  Gammy Hart had been sick for a while at that point, and while Maya knew that her time was coming to an end, getting the call from her mother had devastated her.  She had to leave school and didn’t show up for the rest of the week, needing time to mourn properly.  Her grandmother had been such a huge part of her life, and not having her around anymore affected not only her, but her mother as well.  The Hart women were on their own and the adjustment would take some time.

The third time Maya experienced heartbreak was the day that she found out Josh Matthews had proposed to his girlfriend of almost two years.  She’d met Clara a few months after they first got together when Josh decided to bring her to a Matthews family event.  Of course, Maya had been in attendance, but the minute he walked in with his girlfriend, her heart sank.  Over the years, she’d seen him with a fair amount of girls, but he’d never brought any of those girls around his family.  The worst part was that she actually liked Clara, as much as she desperately wished she didn’t.  Maya didn’t stay long at that particular event, and she tried her hardest to avoid any other the new couple attended.

When she got the call, Maya had been in her new apartment.  It was small and broken down, but it was her own place, and she was proud of it.  She had been trying so hard to become her own person and grow up so maybe she’d be good enough once Josh and Clara broke up.  In her mind, them staying together never really entered her mind.  She probably should have taken it into consideration.  Riley had tried to break it to her easy, but there was really no easy way to tell your best friend that the love of her life had decided to marry someone else.  The call had been brief, and the second Maya hung up the phone, her knees buckled and she found herself curled up in her kitchen, sobbing into her hands as her whole world crashed down around her.

It took years for Maya to start hoping for things.  First, she started to hope for a relationship between her mother and Shawn.  It took several years, but the two were finally married, and having Shawn as a father made all of the pain from her birth father seem less somehow.  Then, she started to hope to get into college.  With a lot of hard work and the motivation of her family and friends, she got into Parsons School of Design with a decent-sized scholarship.  However, the one thing that she hoped for long before she even knew what hope felt like was that she and Josh would end up together.  They had shared a few moments together over the years, from flirtatious conversations to jealous outbursts to even a few meaningful kisses, but it had never been the right time.  Maya never gave up though, until she’d gotten The Call.

Luckily, she found out on a Friday, so she didn’t have to worry about missing work when she couldn’t leave her apartment for several days.  Truthfully, she could barely leave her _bed_ most of that weekend, her heart clenched too tightly to allow herself to move.  She barely ate, barely slept, and rarely stopped crying.  The week that followed passed in a haze, her nights after work spent crying even more and wondering where she could have gone wrong.  Eventually, she just ran out of tears, which she hadn’t realized was possible.

Maya was never really the same after that.  She managed to get on with her life, glad that Riley was smart enough not to mention her uncle and his new fiancee in front of her.  Of course, she ran into them a few times, her stomach churning every time she saw that gorgeous ring on Clara’s finger.  She never spoke to Josh about it, too afraid that if she was close to him, she’d break down or beg him not to do it.  She wanted him to be happy after all, she just thought that he would be happiest with her.

Over the time of their engagement, she dated a few times, but none lasted past the second or third date.  None of them were Josh, and no matter how much she tried to forget that fact, it would always creep back up on her and prevent her from letting another man in.  Shawn and Katy both tried to talk to her about it, because they saw how this was taking its toll on her, but it was all for naught.  Maya knew talking about it would only make it more real, and the more she pretended it wasn’t happening, the less broken she felt.

Getting the invitation to their wedding had been hard.  She’d sat on her couch, staring at it for hours, the perfect calligraphed letters curling and swirling on the page like the words they were forming weren’t meant to completely destroy her.  She knew she had to refuse and send her condolences, the idea of watching him marry her too painful to even think about. Josh was getting married to another girl, and there was nothing she could do about it.

The night before his wedding, Maya found herself in a bar near her apartment.  She knew it wasn’t a healthy way to cope with her issues, but she figured maybe if she got drunk enough, she would forget about him, at least for this one night.  The night before he was meant to marry Clara.  Beautiful, smart Clara who wasn’t broken like she was.  She wasn’t surprised that Josh didn’t choose her.  Why would he when he had someone like Clara to chose instead?

Of course, her drinking only seemed to amplify the thoughts that were already rushing through her head, and after several drinks, she realized she couldn’t just let it go.  After quickly closing and paying for her bar tab, she stumbled outside and got an uber, punching in the address she knew by heart and resting her head against the cool glass as she watched the city pass by.  When she reached the destination, she climbed out of the car and entered the building, finding the right floor and door number before making her way up and stopping in front of the door.  Taking a deep breath, she knocked three times, swallowing dryly as she waited for it to open.

“Please just kiss me one last time?” she blurted out when the door finally opened, a stunned Josh looking down at her from where she stood.  She didn’t have time for formalities or explanations.  She wanted one last kiss before he forever belonged to another woman.

“Maya,” he sighed, making her heart ache.  He was going to say no.  He was going to send her away and she would be left heartbroken and helpless to do anything about it.  That was what she expected anyways, but she should have known by now that Josh Matthews was anything but predictable.

In seconds, he had pulled her into his arms, his hand cupping her face as he almost forcefully kissed her.  She gripped the fabric of his shirt pulling him closer before letting out a soft moan when he closed the door and pushed her against the hard surface, his hand gripping her hip.  Her hand slid up to grasp the hair at the nape of his neck, eliciting a growl from him as she tugged on his hair slightly.  This was so different from the kisses they’d shared in the past.  Those were kisses of sentiment and adoration, sweet kisses that made her heart soar.  This was passion and roughness and desire all wrapped into one kiss that had her toes curling and her heart racing.

She pulled away with a gasp, her hands still holding him close as his forehead leaned against his.  “Please don’t marry her,” she begged, knowing that if he did, he would be making the biggest mistake of his life.  “I know you love me.  I know it.  Don’t marry her.”

It was almost like her words were a bucket of cold water splashing over him, his eyes blinking clear of the lust-filled darkness that had been there after the kiss.  He pulled away, putting several steps between them as Maya leaned against the wall.  She was trying to hold herself together as the cruel reality of what he’d just done settled over him.  “Th-That was a mistake,” he stuttered, taking another step back as he pushed his hair back in absolute devastation.  He’d just cheated on his fiancee.  “Maya, I’m getting _married_ tomorrow.”

She shook her head, her stomach turning as she saw what he was doing.  “Don’t, Josh.  Don’t do this.”

“I’m getting married tomorrow, and nothing is going to change that,” he told her, his eyes growing cold as he looked at her.  He was closing himself off, trying to take control back after throwing it away to kiss her.

“You kissed me!  Everything has already changed!” she tried to make him see, wanting to reach out and shake him.  He had to see that.  He had to see that she was the one he was meant to be with, that if he wanted Clara, he wouldn’t have just kissed her.

In one last attempt to push her away, he played into the one doubt that she’d been hoping was wrong.  “I don’t love you.  I love Clara.  I am marrying her tomorrow.  Not you.”

The air rushed from her lungs as she bowed her head, unable to meet his eyes as hers glazed over with tears.  She covered her mouth, realizing what she’d just done.  How could she be so stupid to think that he would choose _her_?  How could she think that after all of her waiting, she’d be lucky enough to get the guy?  This wasn’t a fairy tale.  She wasn’t destined for happily ever after.  Nodding, she lifted her head and wiped away a stray tear.  “I shouldn’t have come here,” she told him, trying her hardest to maintain what little composure she had left.  “I needed closure… and I got it.  You’ll never see me again.  I can promise you that,” she told him, and she meant it.  She couldn’t see Josh after tonight, not knowing that tomorrow he’d be married to someone else.  The pain of losing him forever was more endurable than the pain of seeing him with Clara for the rest of her life.  “I guess this is the end of the long game…  Not the outcome I expected,” she laughed dryly as she blinked back tears.  “Goodbye Josh.”

As she had been speaking, a new wave of panic seemed to set in for him.  Losing Maya wasn’t something he was ready or close to okay to do.  He actually winced when she mentioned the long game, something they’d joked about over the years, but somehow both kept in the back of their minds as they grew up believing that some day they would really end up together.  And now he was marrying someone else, a woman that had always and would always be second to the girl in front of him.  Just as she turned to leave, he took a step forward, muttering, “I-I don’t want you to go.  Please, don’t leave me, Maya.”

She turned back to him, her eyebrows furrowing as she looked at him with utter confusion.  “Why?  You said nothing will change you getting married tomorrow.”

“It’s not that simple!” he told her, his hand rubbing the back of his neck.  “You can’t just show up like this.  You had all this time to do something and you can’t show up like now you suddenly want me.”

His words were like a slap in the face, causing her to physically recoil before glaring over at him and moving closer.  “I have only ever wanted _you_!” she shouted at him, tears now freely flowing down her cheeks.  “It’s only been you, so don’t act like I’ve been causing you some horrible pain.  You have no idea what I’ve been through loving you Josh.  I could barely move when I found out you were engaged.  I could barely _breathe_.  Every time I saw you with her, and I saw that ring, it destroyed me.  All I ever wanted was you and I had to watch while you chose her.  The worst part is that I tried _so hard_ to stop loving you.  But I can’t.  And I don’t think I ever will.  But the one thing I can do is let you go.  I should’ve done it a long time ago.  I guess I kept hoping that maybe you’d pick me.  That all of the pain I’ve been through watching you be with other girls would pay off.  But it didn’t.  All I’m left with is the pain of knowing that I was never good enough for you.”

He cringed at that, looking away as he tried to hold back his own tears.  He never tried to make Maya feel that way, and knowing that he’d been the cause of her pain hurt him in ways he never anticipated.  He had always taken pride in being one of the few people that could take her pain away and put a smile on her face.  Being on the opposite end of that was something he never wanted to do, and he couldn’t help but hate himself a little for doing it anyways.

“I really hope that she makes you happy because you deserve it,” Maya told him honestly, nodding as tears continued to leave trails down her porcelain cheeks.  “Now please let me go.  Let me go for good so I can find a way to live without you.”

“I can’t do that,” he told her, shaking his head as he struggled to blink back tears.  He closed the gap between them and hesitantly reached up to cup her cheek in his hand, smiling sadly as she reflexively leaned into his touch.  “You’re enough for me, Maya.  It was hard not to fall in love with you.  I kept pushing you away, thinking you were better off without me messing up your life.  I thought I would hold you back, and I didn’t want you to miss out on opportunities because of me.  So I let you go, and I hid my feelings from you, and I got down on one knee for the wrong woman.  It was all a mistake because as much as I love her, I will never love her as much as I love you,” he finally admitted, tears now falling from his clear blue eyes.

Her hands reached up and brushed away his tears before a relieved sob escaped her and she leaned up to press her lips against his to show how deeply she loved him.  He held her close, his arms wrapping tightly around her as hers looped around his shoulders.  Finally he had admitted what she’d believed all along, and better than that, he assured her that she was good enough for him.

When they finally pulled away, he pecked her lips a few times, then kissed her cheek until leaning his forehead against her shoulder.  Being so much taller than her, it was a bit of an awkward position, but as her hand brushed over the back of his head, it couldn’t have felt more right.  “What do I do?” he asked, his eyes closed as he took a few moments to memorize the way she smelled and how nice it felt to be in her arms after all this time.

“If you love me as much as you say you do, then you can’t marry her,” she told him, pulling away and lifting his chin so he’d look at her.  “You need to tell her.  Don’t wait.  Go and tell her, and then when all of this passes, we can start the next part of our lives together.”

“You mean I have to wait to be with you?” he asked, brushing back a loose strand of her hair before caressing her cheek.  “Haven’t we waited long enough?”

“I know how much your family likes Clara.  I know they love me, but I really don’t want them to think of me as the girl that broke up your wedding, even if it is true,” she muttered, looking down in shame until he lifted her chin.

“There shouldn’t have been a wedding in the first place,” he said, his eyes locked with hers as he tried to make her see that.  He had made a lot of mistakes over the past few years, but letting the relationship with Clara go as far as it did while he continued to love Maya had been the worst of them all.  “If you think it would be better for us to be apart for a while, then that’s what I’ll do.  Well, that’s what I’ll _try_ to do.  I can’t promise I’ll succeed.”

She laughed softly at that, leaning up to kiss him once more.  “I should go.  You need to go and tell Clara the truth.  I know what it’s like to love you, and I know how hard it’ll be for her to have to get over you.  The sooner you do it, the sooner she can start.”

“Can I call you when I’m done?” he asked, resting his forehead against hers as he gently nuzzled against her nose.

“Yeah, I’d be okay with that,” she replied, smiling sweetly.  She gave him one last kiss, then pulled away.  “I love you, Josh Matthews.”

He chuckled and smiled, remaining where he was despite how much he wanted to pull her back in for another kiss.  Now that he’d had her in his arms, it was hard to let her go, even if he knew it wasn’t forever.  “I love you too, Maya Hart.”

With that, she left, feeling infinitely lighter than when she’d shown up at his doorstep.  She made her way back to her own apartment, walking right into her bedroom to fall back onto her bed with a smile that hadn’t left her lips since she left Josh’s place.  A part of her felt bad for what Clara was going to be going through now, but it would have been worse if she had married Josh not knowing the truth about how he felt.  This was all for the best and while there would definitely be some angry people come tomorrow, she was sure they’d understand when everything came out.

Several hours later, after Maya had eaten a snack, got some water in her system, and taken a shower, she laid in bed, waiting for Josh to call.  She was starting to get worried over how late it was getting when she suddenly heard a knock on her door.  With furrowed eyebrows, she climbed out of bed and walked through her tiny apartment to her door.  Opening it, she saw Josh there, his hands shoved into his pockets as he looked up at her with a sad smile.

“I didn’t feel right going home alone after that.  Is it okay that I came here?” he asked.  She smiled softly and reached out her hand, waiting for him to take it before she pulled him into her apartment.  Their first night together was different than she had imagined.  They didn’t have sex, for one, something they both agreed was a bad idea, and they didn’t stay up talking much.  She decided she didn’t want to hear about how Clara reacted, and he respected that, knowing how much she’d been through with the now-broken engagement already.  Instead, they curled up in Maya’s bed and quickly fell asleep in each other’s arms.

They were both awoken by a loud banging on Maya’s front door.  Groggily, Maya eased out of Josh’s arms and plodded to the door, swinging it open as she rubbed the sleep from her eyes.

“Oh my god, did you hear?!” Riley asked as she rushed into her apartment like a whirlwind.

Maya’s eyes shot right open and darted to her bedroom, hoping Josh would hear Riley and know not to come out.  “Uhhh h-heard what?” she asked, swallowing dryly.

“Josh called off the wedding!” the energetic brunette told her.  “He went to Clara’s last night and told her that he loved someone else, and that he couldn’t marry her knowing that she wasn’t the right woman.”

A soft smile pulled at her lips before she quickly wiped it away.  She wasn’t supposed to know any of this of course.  “Wow, really?  That’s unbelievable.”

“You know what’s even crazier?” Riley asked, placing her hands on Maya’s counter.

“What?”

“He wasn’t home this morning when grandma and grandpa went to his apartment.  I don’t think he went home last night after breaking things off with Clara,” she told her.

“Huh.  Maybe he went to a friend’s house?” Maya asked, suddenly feeling like Riley was looking at her all-too-knowingly.

Riley smirked slightly, something that was uncommon for the bubbly girl.  “So if I go into your bedroom, I’m not going to find Josh in there?”

 _Well that was unexpected_ , Maya thought to herself.  Before she could answer, Josh came out from the bedroom and wrapped his arms around Maya from behind.  “Nothing gets past you, does it neice?”

“When it comes to you two?  No way,” she replied, her smile brightening as Josh kissed Maya’s cheek and Maya splayed her hands on his around her.  “I really hope you two haven’t been seeing each other during the engagement.  I love you two together, but cheating is never okay.”

“We only kissed last night,” Maya explained.  “I asked for one last kiss.”

“And that was all it took for me to realize I couldn’t marry Clara,” Josh continued.

“I told him he had to end things with her before we could start anything,” she said next.

“She actually wanted us to stay apart longer, but I couldn’t really stay away,” he finished, smiling down at her when she turned to look up at him.  “I’ve spent too long away already.  I don’t want to waste anymore time,” he admitted before kissed her sweetly.

Riley watched, putting her elbows on the counter as she held her head up with her hands, a dreamy smile on her lips.  “You guys are so cute.”  Maya and Josh only laughed, turning back to face her.  “As much as I hate to break you two up, Josh, you really need to get home.  I might be more understanding about all of this, but I think you two should keep some space until all of this blows over.  Your parents are pretty pissed you called off the wedding and everyone’s waiting for answers.”

“Then I guess I better go give them some,” he decided, kissing Maya’s cheek and pulling away.  “Time to tell them once and for all that I love Maya Penelope Hart and that she’s the girl I want to spend the rest of my life with.”

“What?” Maya breathed, looking over at him in awe.  “You’re going to tell them that?”

“It’s the truth.  I’m in it for the long game, and you’re it,” he told her, shooting her a wink before walking towards the door.  “Come on, Riles.  The sooner we do this, the sooner I can come back and be with my little ferret.”

Maya giggled and shook her head, remembering the first time he called her that.  Back then, she definitely hadn’t imagined that they would actually end up here.  “That nickname isn’t sticking, Matthews.”

Riley walked out as he held open the door for her, pausing for a moment to turn to her.  “I’m already attached to it, Hart,” he winked, then closed the door behind her, leaving Maya with a bright smile and butterflies in her stomach.

It took three weeks before Josh and Maya finally felt like they could finally come out as a couple.  In that time, Josh set up plans to pay back his and Clara’s parents for the wedding, knowing that all of that money could have been saved if he hadn’t hid his feelings for so long.  Amy and Alan were angry with their son at first, but when he explained what had happened, they smiled knowingly and told him they were proud he finally realized what they had known for years.  Everyone else reacted just about the same way, shocked at how they had gotten together, but happy that they were finally with who they were destined to be with.  Each night they had to be apart, Maya and Josh would fall asleep with each other on the phone, which was the closest they could come to sharing the same bed.  After that first night they’d shared together, it was hard to stay apart, but they knew it was for the best and it was good enough until they could be reunited.

Once the three weeks had passed, Josh showed up at Maya’s apartment with a pizza and a bouquet of flowers, deciding that there was no point in waiting any longer to have their first date.  Their relationship was everything she dreamed it could be.  They were best friends, and were able to share everything with each other.  Any problems that popped up, they solved together, and better than that, they grew as people because of each other.  Within four months, they were living together in an apartment equidistant from the publishing company Josh worked at and Maya’s studio.  Two and a half months after that, Josh took Maya to Vermont for a scenic getaway.  While they were there, he got down on one knee again, this time in front of the right woman.  Luckily for him, she said yes.  After everything they had been through, they didn’t want to endure a long engagement or a big ceremony for their wedding.  So one Saturday afternoon in June, in the backyard of Alan and Amy’s home in Philadelphia, Maya Hart became Mrs. Joshua Matthews in front of their closest friends and family.

“How are you feeling, Mrs. Matthews?” he asked as they danced at the reception.  They’d rented out a local hall and invited more people that they hadn’t had at the wedding to celebrate their union.

Maya looked up from where she was resting her head against his chest, a blissful smile brushing her lips at the use of the name before she reached up and brushed her fingers along his cheek.  “Like I’m in a fairy tale.  I never thought we’d get here.”

“I know,” he nodded, resting his forehead against hers.  It was surreal for both of them, and probably would be for a while.  “But we did.  The long game’s over, after all these years.”

“No,” she told him, causing him to quirk an inquisitive eyebrow.  She simply kissed him sweetly and pulled away with a smile before telling him, “The long game’s just begun.”

**Author's Note:**

> I had a lot of fun writing this and I hope you had just as much fun reading it. As always, feedback is welcomed and encouraged!


End file.
